Title Unknown
by Jellytaco
Summary: Loosely Based off Project X. Ino holds a party, you know, a low key high school one. Only except when she wakes up, Temari's missing a finger, Sakura's head is half shaved, Gaara was kidnapped by the Mafia and somehow Hinata shot down a Helicopter with a Nerf gun. Not to mention that Neji's been Kidnapped by Apes. So ahh... Read at your own risk.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer; I do not own Naruto, just the plot**

 **Title Unknown**

"Ino do you think it's a good idea to invite everyone?" Sakura asks as the other girls eat their food from the cafeteria.

"Of course, we're seniors and it will be killer and everyone is just people in our year" Ino responds as she fixes her ponytail as she sits down.

"A-Ano, as long a-as there is n-no contraband" Hinata says as she blushes.

"Maybe a few, but not many" Ino says "Just a little buzz. But you don't have to"

"Ino, there shouldn't be booze regardless" Sakura challenges as the light buzz in the cafeteria continues.

"Look, it's going to be low key" Ino says "Starts at 4 pm. Be there or be square"

"I-I can bring s-snacks" Hinata says as the girls nod.

"I'm so pumped!" Ino says as they eat their respected sandwiches "Oh, Hinata-chan , can you get some cookies or something as well?"

"S-Sure" Hinata says as she writes it down.

 _ ***LineBreakLine***_

"Sai. Please stop filming us" Naruto says as the pale boy yet agains over steps the lines.

"It is for my project, I have to record everything" Sai says "It is for one of my more... extensive studies"

"It's a little creepy" Kiba says as they turn to the pale boy, only to find him gone "He's doing it again"

"At least he's not pretending his pictures come to life and attack people while working for a group called ROOT" Naruto says with a shiver as the rest of the group agrees.

"Are you all going to Ino's small get together?" Shikamaru asks.

"Yeah, just for a bit. Akamaru has to go to the vets tomorrow" Kiba explains as Chouji nods as well.

"I have to help Otou-san open the shop up for the Saturday rush" the chubby boy says.

"Maybe Sakura will notice me" Naruto says as the all nod.

"So thirsty" Kiba laughs as the others do too.

 _ ***LineBreakLine***_

Ino's house was two story and had a very large back yard with a pool. They rented a small band from Otogakure Music Online. With fairy lights around the tree's and other things. Food was set up and the house was sealed off. Ino's parents were going on their anniversary Honey Moon for two days. Ino wasn't having an off the scale party, but atleast fifty people. She had warned the neighbours and even let Naruto's little brother and his friends pretend to be Secruity Guards. Konohamaru or something. Hinata had bought an array of treats. Chips, dips, brownies and even candy.

It came to 4pm and people were slowly arriving and it was a good buzz. By 5PM a lot of people were partying. It was still kind of quiet. Naruto and his crew rocked up at ten to six. They said hi to Konohamaru, who was taking his job very seriously. They dropped snacks off as they talked to a few people. Sai was there, surprisingly, as Ino also took pictures adding it to the new Album on her social media account under the name 'Title Unknown'. It was open for others to post as well.

Naruto saw Hinata sipping her drink slow as she watched others dance. He had to admit she did look stunning. Her hair was curled in loose ringlets and she wore shorts and T-shirt. But man, did they show her off, in his opinion. Kiba was talking with her as Ino snapped more pictures. When Hinata saw him staring. Feeling like an idiot, he looked away as she blushes. Slinking back to the food table he grabbed a pop tart before walking past a laughing Pinkette.

Sakura was clapping as she laughed with the other girls. When she stopped and called over Hinata with Kiba as Sakura sips her Raspberry Cola. It wasn't long before the fairy light really lit up the area. And more people started to arrive as Ino grows a little concerned. Calling the original founding members, Ino ushers them upstairs.

 _ ***LineBreakLine***_

The sun light the girls faces as they all yawned. Ino was the first to wake up. Rubbing her forehead, she nudges whoever it was next to her to move away. Stumbling up, Ino rushes to a nearby bush to throw up. Lifting her hand up to wipe the puke from her mouth. Something hard hit her lips. Looking at her hand. She screams.

The others woke up as Sakura bolts up. As Ino points at Sakura before laughing. Touching her hair or lack of hair Sakura screams as they look at Ten Ten and Temari who were just as confused. Ino hadn't even seen them at the party. A few others were strewn through out the park.

"Ahhhhhh" Temari screams as she hold up her hand.

"Holy shit, you're missing a finger!" Ten Ten shouts as Temari looks like she's going into shock.

"What the fuck happened?" Temari shouts as Ino gasps.

"What in the actual?" Ino asks as the girls huddle around.

"Why are we on everyone's news feed?" Sakura asks as Ino turns the Radio on for all to hear.

 _ ***LineBreakLine***_

' So as we all know, the party of the century was held last night in Konohagakure and if you were there, I have to say. You have been to one of the parties thrown by the gods. We don't where the Creator of Title Unknown is, however, blondie. I must say, that was one intense night. Now we have callers who were there... Line one, who do I have?'

'Hi, I'm Rock Lee' the energetic voice says.

'Lee, what crazy shit did you see last night?'

'I saw a monster truck!' Lee shouts.

'Next caller?'

'Hi, I'm Suigestu and I have to say, Ino, sick party and I have to say, the sickest thing I saw last night was the Bull Fight'

'A BULL FIGHT?! That's new. We've heard about the Helicopter, the Monster Trucks, The Burning Car and now a Bull fight. I feel sorry for the parents'

"I don't remember a thing" Ino says as she turns it off "Wait, where is Hinata?"

"I'm missing a finger and that's what you have to say?" Temari says as she wiggles every finger on her left hand, the exception of the pinky, that was missing.

"Neji's calling!" Ten Ten says as she puts it on speaker "Neji, I knew you would ring, what happened last night"

"Ten Ten, why am I in a zoo?" Neji asks "The apes braided my hair"

"What?" Ten Ten asks confused again "How did you end up there?"

"I was hoping you could tell me" he says as the girls laugh nervously.

"Check your news feed" Ino shouts "Ten Ten we have to and find out what happened"

"I gotta go Neji, see you" Ten Ten says as she goes to hang up.

"No wait they're throwing shi-" it goes silent as Ino leads the girl towards the house.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer; I do not own Naruto, just the plot and Jeff the Potato**

"Naruto!" a voice shouts as Naruto jolts awake.

"I don't like sugar plums... huh?" Naruto asks as he see's Gaara standing over him.

"Naruto" he says as they stand up.

"Gaara... woah, why are we in a tree?" Naruto asks.

"I just came up here because I thought you would know" Gaara says as Naruto shakes his head to see a red strand fall from his head.

"Gaara, what colour is my hair?" Naruto asks nervously.

"Red" Gaara states.

"What the hell? I need a mirror" He shouts as the branch starts to crack.

 _ ***LineBreakLine***_

Dusting himself off, both Gaara and Naruto look around, things were smouldering. They had no clue what had happened. After walking for a while down the street, they spot Kiba stumbling around muttering random words.

"Kiba!" Naruto says as Kiba looks at the now red haired whiskered boy.

"Naruto, how are you still walking?" Kiba asks as Naruto looks at Gaara "Man, Gaara. That was intense shit last night... You cut your sister finger clean off as she laughed"

"I what?" Gaara sputters as a van screeches behind them and grabs Gaara before driving off again "Guh"

"Oh, they got him" Kiba says casually as he eats another brownie.

"Who Kiba? Who got Gaara?" Naruto asks.

"Don't you remember?" Kiba ask as Naruto blinks "The Mafia"

 _ ***LineBreakLine***_

Ino stopped at the hospital to drop off Temari. The nurses were super busy as they saw police officers. Sakura had a sinking feeling. Ten Ten however pulled out a huge diamond from her pocket as she shoves it back in as she looks to see if anyone saw.

"What happened?" Ino asks a one of the Police officers.

"A party that got out of control" he says as his spikey gray hair points to his friend rocking back and forth "My partner here, encountered to much Youth and also a grenade"

"A grenade?" Ten Ten Sputters.

"A party of 5,000. We had to retreat, especially after they shot down the Helicopter" he continues.

"We what?" Ino coughs "Excuse us, our friend is going through"

"I have to stay. Just find out what happened and find Hinata" Temari says as they all nod.

"Let's go and find out, why Sakura is half bald, who I'm married to and Ten Ten... why you have a huge rock in your pocket" Ino says filled with determination.

 _ ***LineBreakLine***_

The whole neighbourhood was either still smouldering as it was roaming with reporters and police. They saw a Zoo Staff shoot a Tiger with a dart as they put it in a cage. Ino was starting to get really worried as she couldn't remember a thing. The two other girls looked at the carnage as the sneak in through the back. The car was in the pool, there was a car through the top of her roof. Her house was ruined. However they did find one more person to help. Shikamaru was using cake as a pillow. Nudging him awake, he snarls.

"Wat?" he asks as they flinch "Ino? Why are you here? I thought you were looking for Naruto" Shikamaru says "Or did you change your mind? Do you want a divorce?"

"Shika, you're not making sense" Ino says.

"We got married last night" he says as he rubs cake in his hair not caring about the blue icing.

"I'm married to you?" Ino asks "And why would I be looking for Naruto?"

"Yes, Jiraiya married us last night and you said 'if I am to come looking for something find Naruto" Shikamaru says as he rolls over as the girls spit.

"Shikamaru... do you realise you have a moustache? Here I'll wipe it off" Ino says as she bends down only to find it a tattoo "Oh. Okay. It's a Tattoo"

''Troublesome woman" he murmurs as he goes back to sleep.

"How are we going to find Naruto?" Ten Ten asks "He could be anywhere-"

 _''Come on every pony,_

 _Smile Smile Smile_

 _Fill my heart with sunshine, sunshine~''_

"^-^"

"That's Hinata's phone" Sakura says as the get closer to the source.

"Over hear" Sakura says as she pulls it out of the vibrating rubble "Hello?"

"I'm looking for Hinata" the person says.

"Who are you?" Ino asks as the voice scoffs.

"Just put her on, I know she's with you"

"Actually she isn't" Ten Ten says.

"Oh. It's Sasuke" he says as it goes quiet "Look, if you see her tell her I'm looking for her"

"Wait! What happened last night?" Ino rushes as Sasuke laughs.

"Find Naruto and you'll know" he says as the dial tone drones on.

"Ino, I'm really sorry about your house" Sakura says as they bump into a hooded a figure who mumbles an apology.

"So we find Naruto... how hard can that be to find a blonde who could literally be anywhere?" Sakura sarcastically adds "And do we have any hats?"

"Here, use this hat" Ten Ten says as she picks up a random hat on the ground and putting it on the girls almost bald head.

"^-^"

"Thanks... Wait! Look Naruto!" Sakura shouts as they spot the whiskered boy "Red hair?"

"S-Sakura!" Naruto shouts.

"I guess Lady Luck smiles on us" Ino says as they cross the road and hug the red haired boy.

"Naruto, everyone says you know what happened last night" Sakura says as they sit at the park bench as they see the same hooded figure on the swings singing some random song.

"I can't remember a thing. I met up with Gaara and Kiba, Gaara got abducted by the Mafia and I don't know why my hair is red" Naruto sighs.

"Naruto who else was at the party? We should find them" Sakura says as Naruto takes the cap off and starts laughing hysterically.

"Oh, you got half of your head shaved, literally" he laughs as Sakura hits him "Ow, ow I'm sorry"

"Names Naruto!" Ino shouts as the red head tries to think.

"Kiba, Gaara, Shikamaru, Chouji, Rock Lee, Neji, Sasuke turned up as well and... who else, I think Sai! Sai! We need to find Sai! He recorded the whole night! For his project. I think I remember him saying at one point he uses the computers at school on a Saturday, the teachers don't mind" Naruto says as he gets excited "Man that party got out of hand"

"^-^"

 _Ino rushed everyone upstairs as they discussed what was going on downstairs. Suddenly the numbers started to rise. Ino brushed a stray blonde hair as Sakura and Hinata sit on the floor._

 _"This party is getting out of hand" Ino says "We need to shut it down before the police arrive"_

 _"Lady Ino, police have been spotted coming towards the establishment, do you want us to intervene?" Moegi says as she hangs from outside the window._

 _"Firstly don't fall and secondly tell everyone to get around the back" Ino says as she races down the stairs._

 _"Everyone, we need to be quiet if we want this party to be quiet. Someone nagged on us" Ino shouts as the crowd nods "Everyone cram together"_

"^-^"

"I remember something, someone called the police on us so I told everyone to be quiet" Ino says as she catches up with Sakura who was shaking. Ino goes wide eye.

"N-Neji wasn't in the Zoo..." Ten Ten says.

"Planet of the Apes" Naruto says "We went to the Zoo because we wanted to see planet of the apes. About 100 of us, set the animals free"

"That explains the tiger" Sakura says "So will Sai be in there?"

"He could be" Naruto says.

"Let's not risk it... is there anywhere else he might be?" Ten Ten says.

"No. I don't know where he lives" Naruto says as they all look down cast.

"Let's go and get some food" Ino says "I'm so hungry and it's like lunch time"

"Yes"

"^-^"

As the pair were entering the mall, they saw a Helicopter stuck in the roof. Ino swallowed as she walked up to an officer as he eyes her. Wasn't she the blonde who the police were looking for?

"Ma'am please don't come any closer" he says as the blonde points at the Helicopter.

"What happened to the Helicopter?" she asks as he blinks.

"Some kids had a nerf gun, perfect shot. It Jammed the propeller. Both pilots and news cast are okay" he says as she squints at him.

"You look familiar" she says as he looks at her friends.

"Ten Ten?" he asks as she looks up.

"Hai?" the unspecting girl answers.

"Stop where you are" he says as he pulls out cuffs and walks towards the girl "You are under arrest for theft of a Diamond"

"Woooooooo!" Somebody screams as the Helicopter's head lights turn on "I'm a pilot!"

"Requesting back up Immediately! We have a person in the Helicopter..."

"Isn't that Hinata?" Naruto asks as they look closer.

She climbed on the roof as she pulled out the Nerf gun bullet and loaded it into the Nerf Gun in her pocket as she fires one at the Police Officer.

"Get out of the Helicopter! NOW! This is Officer Yamato! I am requesting back up!" Yamato shouts into his walkie talkie as Hinata somehow manages to get the Helicopter running and starts to escape.

"Ten Ten, run!" Ino shouts as Yamato goes to fire his tazser as a Nerf Bullet hits him in the head as it he tazers an old man who spills his drink.

"Tazuna-san!" a small boy shouts as Yamato screams out of anger.

"Addios Dickweed" Hinata laughs.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, only the plot. A forewarning, there is humour based around a group, however, I do not hate said group yet to be named. It's just satire. I also don't own this group. Oh and thanks for the few, but heartfelt reviews (?). But onward!€**

"Naruto, you got food?" Ino asks as the happy red head nods producing burgers.

"So I stole this?" Ten Ten says as she holds up the gem.

"And what was up with Hinata-chan?" Naruto asks.

"We aren't getting anywhere!" Ino shouts as they see a Helicopter in the sky flying off into the forests outside of Konoha.

"I should return this" Ten Ten says.

"Let's just put everything we can remember or know about last night and work from there" Ino says.

"I stole this Diamond and Neji is stuck in School with hair braiding apes, that we set free from the Zoo because of the movie planet of the apes and I saw a tiger" Ten Ten says "And Temari lost her pinky finger"

"Actually Gaara cut it off, he was telling me after I woke up in a tree, then found Kiba who was eating a brownie, Akamaru wasn't with him and he seemed drunk. He said ' Naruto, how are you still walking?'. Gaara was kidnapped and that's it"

"Pretty much the same" Ino says "What about Shino? Won't he know?"

"He didn't go last night" Naruto says "His spider was laying eggs"

.

 _''Come on every pony,_

 _Smile Smile smile_

 _Fill my heart with sunshine, sunshine~''_

 _._

"Hello?" Ino answers.

"You let her get in a Helicopter" Sasuke grinds "Are you an Idiot?"

"How do you know?"

"The news! About a News Helicopter! You had one thing to do... Just tell me you found Naruto" Sasuke grovels.

"Teme!" Naruto shouts "Do you remember what happened last night?"

"Of course I do!" Sasuke says.

"Please tell us" Ten Ten says as Sasuke nods.

"You still have the Diamond?" he asks.

"Yes"

"It's not stolen. Look, Neji bought it for you and told you to meet him at Class 2-B last night and then the monkeys kidnapped him. Naruto was attacked one and was chased by one all night long. Ino suggested that... Hang on..Shit, oh shit, shit... I gotta go" Sasuke says as it goes quiet.

"Why can't we remember anything?" Ino asks turning Hinata's phone off angrily "AND I WANT A FLIP PHONE TO CLOSE IT ANGRILY!"

"Go to Karin's house" Sasuke says as the dial tone beeps obnoxiously

"And take a chill pill"

"Let's get moving"

""~+~""

Approaching the appartment they nod, it wasn't too bad. Knocking on the door, Karin answers as she grins pushing her glasses up.

"Hey, you're back" she says "Sakura why are you wearing a hat?"

"My hair. One half is all there and the other is fine" Sakura says.

"And Naruto, red does suit you" she says "As for Ino, why didn't you get a hair cut too?"

"I don't know. We can't remember anything" Ino says as Naruto cocks his head at a Monkey that was sitting on the couch.

"That's Jojo" Karin says as Naruto is hit with a memory.

""~+~""

 _"I can't believe this party!" Naruto shouts as he dances with Hinata as she nods "Those cops actually bought that it was still a few people"_

 _"I know Naruto" she says as he grabs her arm and spins her._

 _"Oi, get your hands off my girlfriend" Sasuke says as Naruto tenses._

 _"You are dating?" Naruto asks as a huge explosion behind them makes everyone go quiet "Holy shit!"_

 _"Ahhhhhhhh" Ino screams as she gets out of the car and jumps into the pool._

 _"Woooo!" The crowd cheers as Naruto grows a little concerned with how big the party was becoming._

 _"Do you guys want to help me get to me car, I'd go alone, but... I don't think I'd get back" Naruto says as the pair nod._

 _"Just let me grab more brownies" Hinata says as she takes like 10 from one of the many trays._

 _"So you and Teme huh?" Naruto asks as Hinata nods._

 _"Since you didn't bother getting back to me, I decided to give up on love and then Sasuke gave me a huge Diamond so I gave it to Neji, to give to Ten-chan" Hinata says "Then he confessed and other shit happened... the better question is why there is a huge man with a red dragon over there?"_

 _"Holy shit" Sasuke says as he climbs onto Naruto's car._

 _"Oh my" Hinata says as Sasuke holds her._

 _"Ino is so screwed" Naruto comments as they look at the huge crowd._

 _The whole street was filled with people and alcohol, they were other peoples lawns as home owners stand on the porches with phones. A monster truck hits one of the poles as the light go out. A bonfire! A car was on fire as people continued to party. All of sudden a loud siren was heard from Ino's roof. Ino was holding a Megaphone._

 _"Is everyone having fun!" Ino shouts as everyone screams "Good, because the police are coming, but I say we invite more people and own this place!"_

 _"Wooooo!" People shout as they pull out there phones and start texting and taking picture._

 _"One last thing..." Ino says as she drops the megaphone and takes out her phone "But first, let me take a selfie"_

""~+~""

"Sasuke and Hinata are dating" Naruto says "The party got way out of control, like the whole street, to nearly the whole block"

"That would explain the lack of fences" Ino says remembering that her fence was missing "What am I going to do?"

"I say we do what Karin says" Sakura says as Naruto blinks "We are going to find Sai. Karin says she saw him last night at his address"

""~+~""

Sakura lead the group to her house as she shivers. She looked to Ino as she looked around. Something didn't feel right at all. Like someone was watching them. She looked to the blonde again as Ino sighs.

"What Sakura?" Ino asks tiredly.

"I feel like we're being watched" Sakura says as she keeps looking around, her eyes scanning everything.

"I hate to agree with Sakura, but something not sitting with me" Ten Ten says.

 _ **Meanwhile at the Hospital...**_

Temari sat with a bandages around her missing pinky. She was pretty bored and wished for something to happen so she could slip out.

"R.I.P-" she started.

"ZAYM MALIK! #CUTFORZAYN!" A girl screams running in a Straight Jacket "You believe Temari? Right?!"

"Get her! Oh for crying out loud, get her before she infects more" a nurse shouts.

Temari shut the door to where she was sitting as she watches the rabid fangirl break free from the straight jacket and now holding a scalpel cut someone as she hands them a scapel.

" HASH TAG CUT FOR ZAAAAAAAYYYYYYNNNNNN!" the pair scream as the Hospital goes into panic.

"Let me in!"

"Sorry" Temari says as she locks the door and points to the grown mans cut on his cheek "You're already infected"

"No... The Vamps... They will be... #CUTFORZAYNNNNNNN!" He shouts taking his shirt off and runs off.

"Who the hell made this?" Temari asks as a very pale man following her friends sneezes.

"^-^"

The group rolled up to the address as they saw a whole lot of people as they look for Sai. The stopped and looked at the group.

"AYYY, it's Ino" Kankuro says "I guess you weren't lying when you said that you could do it"

"Do what?" Ino asks.

"You know..." Kankuro trails on "Well... last night you offered your services to us"

"W-Wha?" Ino asks as she blushes.

"NO! Like as you joined the Allied Forces, we're going to rescue Gaara!" Kankuro says.

"What?" Ino asks even more confused.

"Last night, after Naruto punched Pain at the Zoo he declared war. Naruto dyed his hair to make sure he couldn't be found. Gaara was abducted instead. Sasuke is already in the building and Hinata is trying to save him"

"All she has is a helicopter"

"And a nerf gun"

"A nerf gun. It doesn't do anything" Ten Ten says.

"Why was Pain at the Zoo anyway?" Naruto adds.

"You don't remember do you?" Kankuro asks surprised "Which is why you are looking for Sai, he's been filming this whole time... it's going to be a great Documentry"

"^-^"

"Sai" Ino calls out as he waves.

"Hows my wife?" he asks as he kisses her cheek.

"I'm married to Shikamaru"

"Nope he's married to Temari" Sai says " I have the papers"

"Oh my gosh!" Sakura shouts as she points at Ino "Your middle name is penile!"

"Sounds like Penis" Naruto laughs as Ino blushes.

"It was supposed to Penny, but Kaa-san wrote it wrong! Shut up!" Ino shouts as she slaps Naruto.

"Why me?"

"So..." Sai says.

"Tell us what happened last night" Ino says as Ten Ten nods.

"We also need to save Neji" Ten Ten says.

"He's fine" Sai says as he looks at Ino "If I tell you, you won't believe me"

"Try me" Ino says.

"You'll want to sit down, because this tale is going to be very lon-"

"Then stop with the long introduction to the long story" Ten Ten says.

"Okay, this is what I saw and filmed" Sai says as he starts his recount.

"^-^"

 _Sai peered at Ino as he filmed her dancing on her house with a few other people. He changed directions as Naruto came up to him with Hinata and Sasuke._

 _"Sai, we need your help" Naruto says._

 _"Yes Naruto?" Sai asks._

 _"This party is getting out of control, you need to tell Ino to shut it down" Naruto says._

 _"Why me?"_

 _"Because she loves you"_

 _"Since when?"_

 _"Since you saved her Burrito"_

 _"I like Burritos, not girls"_

 _"Look, Sasuke and Hinata are going to-" Naruto was cut off as the Tv blared loudly._

 _"^-^"_

 _"A party is Konoha has gotten out of control... as you can see there are monster trucks riding over the blocks fences, we go live to our Air Cast" the News Reporter says._

 _"As you can see, this number is nearing 5,000" the anchor says as people cheer "The must be watching the news, because they are cheering"_

 _"The DRAGON" Hinata shouts as she pushes Sasuke out of the way and scrambles to a near by motorcycle._

 _"As we can see a drunken teen is now on a Motor cycle and is roaring up the roof. What is she doing? Look, we can see Police forces... Oh my god... Look out!"_

 _On the screen you could see a bunch of bulls run through the Police force._

 _"Where did they come from?" The news lady screams._

 _"Die DRAGON DIE DRAGO DIE!" Hinata shouts as Sai films her riding it off the roof as she fires a nerf bullet._

 _"-_-"_

 _Like in slow motion, the Helicopter starts to sway before the people jump out and watch it crash into a mall. Sai zooms in on Naruto's face as goes to catch Hinata. She lands on him as Sasuke grabs her and runs off._

 _"Ohhh, are they okay... cut off! The fucking news off now!"_

 _""~+~""_

"Why did she do it?" Ten Ten asks as Sai shrugs.

"We'll more than likely see her at the Akatsuki head quarters" Sai says.

"What about Temari's finger and my hair, car in the pool and whatever else?"

"Temari had her finger chopped off because a snake bit her there after we snuck into Orochimaru's house, Sakura, your hair is like that because somebody...actually, I don't know, Naruto's hair because of the Akatsuki Mafia and Ino's tattoo of me on her back because she loves me"

"Why does this day keep getting worse?" Ino asks as she liftes up her shirt to see part of a Tattoo.

"It's not bad" Ten Ten comments with an impressed look.

"I did it myself" Sai says as Ino face palms.

"Why is Hinata acting so weird?" Naruto asks.

"I think someboy spiked the drinks, but I'm not too sure" Sai says "We leave in five minutes to get Gaara, Sasuke, Tsunade and Akamaru back"

As the group walked outside to get in a car with the many other people and pick up trucks as people holding guns nods and smile. Like they were born for this. It was like watching a gang going to war, which it was esstentially. As they got in the back Hinata's phone begins to ring.

""~+~""

 _''Come on every pony,_

 _Smile Smile smile_

 _Fill my heart with sunshine, sunshine~''_

 _._

"Sasuke what?" Ino answers as she puts it on speaker phone.

"Is Hinata there?" a voice asks, a female voice.

"Who is this?" Ino asks suspicously.

"You just tell her, it's Hinata who is calling. I'm having trouble firing the Bazuka out of the Helicopter, tell her to give me a call as soon as possible" Hinata says as people become confused.

"Hinata, this is you who is calling. You called yourself, about yourself... how high are you?" Sakura asks.

"Oh, Hinata is there? Or is she not?" Hinata asks impatiently.

"We'll tell her you called if we see her" Naruto says.

"Thanks, Gotta go. They're aiming their tanks at me" Hinata says as she hangs up.

"Tanks..." Ino says as she grips her head "Why... AGGGH!"

"Wait, so why was Sasuke Kidnapped?" Naruto asks.

"Because you hit Pain and also because you sacrificed him" Sai says as the cars rumble and hit many bumps.

"So basically a gang war" Ten Ten says as she picks up her phone "With Tanks and an RPG... I'm going to call Neji"

"Neji" Ten Ten says as Neji can be heard puffing.

"Ten-chan" he says as she blushes "The Diamond... I remember and I'm sorry about Sakura too and the whole dragon incident"

"Are you okay Neji-kun?"

"I don't know, all I've eaten is these brownies" Neji says "Where are you?"

"Heading to save Sasuke" Ten Ten says they approach the port "I have to go... Bye Neji-kun"

""~+~""

A helicopter was on fire as Hinata fired nerf bullets at the people shooting actual bullets.

"Hahaha, just nerf bullets!" Hidan laughs as one hits his eye, then in his mouth as he cries out.

"Bitch!" Hinata shouts as she crams a brownie in her mouth "Oh, hey guys"

"H-Hinata?" Ino asks as the girl casually walks over as the star trooper like men miss as Hinata sits behind the cover provided by the trucks.

"Want a brownie? They're hella sic" Hinata says.

"Ahh, we found out the source... Hash Brownies" Sai says as he sniffs one, taking a nibble.

"Haha, Hinata's high" Ino giggles.

"Oh so you found her... It's okay now, I crashed anyway"

.

The battle was fierce as people were shot. Some Akatsuki members experiencing some nerf bullets. Astonishing, really, such a small girl and nerf bullets. And some way or another, it ended up being Sai, Naruto, Ino, Hinata and Ten Ten firing from behind the truck, everyone else was either groaning on the ground or had gone for chipotle, it was lunch time after all.

.

"Grenade out!" Hidan shouts.

"Why would you shout that, telling them that there is a grenad-" Kakuzu hisses as it goes off.

"Ahhh, my wenus has a splinter!" Hinata cries, tears welling as Hidan cheers "Man down"

"Hinata!" Naruto shouts as he runs through the debris to get to her before tripping "My knee!"

"N-Naruto" Hinata whispers as she smiles at him, it was heartfelt and warm.

"Hinata, I l-l-love you" Naruto says as Hinata gives a dry laugh.

"I love me too" she says as her eyes start to close.

"HINATAAAAAA!" Naruto shouts.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto only the plot. There may be future humour again, about One Direction. Please, if you are a die hard fan, don't take me seriously. Also this chapter is a little rushed, so sorry :)**

 _Ino giggled as they creeped into Orochimaru's House. His oh' so lovely house._

 _"Why are we here?" Temari asks as Ino chuckles._

 _"I heard Orochimaru had a sex doll and I need it" Ino whisper shouts as they walk into his kitchen "Oh sweet, food"_

 _"Ino, hurry up and get the doll and get out of here" Temari says "Ten Ten's still recovering from Neji's not so pleasant pelvis thrusts that seemed to display dominance with the monkeys and we still have no idea where Sakura is"_

 _"Oh Sakura... She's fine" Ino says opening Orochimaru's fridge "He has so much cream"_

 _"Wow, he's whipped" Temari comments as Ino frowns._

 _"I may be drunk, but I will not tolerate puns"_

 _"I guess you're just Intolerant" Temari says as Ino facepalms._

 _"Stop"_

 _"What would we call Orochimaru with out toes?" Temari asks as Ino inhales._

 _"What?!" Ino whisper shouts._

 _"Lac-toes Intolerant" Temari says as Ino shakes her head "Let's just get moving"_

 _"I can dig this decor" Ino says as Temari snorts._

 _"I can't handle this anymore "Temari says as she holds up snake throwing it at Ino who sceams._

 _Lights turned on as the snake hisses at Temari._

 _"Shit" Temari says as it bites her finger "AHHHHHH"_

 _"Who's there?!" Orochimaru shouts as Temari runs into him._

 _"AHHH" Temari screams throwing the snake at Orochimaru who throws it to Ino._

 _"I don't want it!" Ino screams throwing it to Temari._

 _"NO!" Temari hisses as she throws it Orochimaru._

 _"Not my nose! GUHH" the snake bit into his nose Orochimaru runs into a wall as the snake makes a slither for it._

 _"Grab the dolls and move!" Temari says as they run into Orochimaru's room "IT BURNS!"_

 _"The bite?" Ino asks as she looks for it as Temari covers her eyes._

 _"Too much One Direction! Shit, I can feel them trying to corrupt me! The power of christ compels you! Begone Demon!" Temari screams running out of the house "Every man for himself"_

 _"I got it!" Ino says grabbing the doll and looks up._

 _"You're not taking Harry anywhere" Orochimaru says as Ino looks to the doll with Harry's face on the doll._

 _"I'll just rip his face off!" Ino shouts as Orochimaru pulls out a gun._

 _"Don't make me shoot you" he says as Ino laughs and pulls out a poster._

 _"Don't make me laugh" Ino says darkly as the snake like man goes wide eye._

 _"My god..." Orochimaru says as Ino smirks._

 _"Hahha"_

 _''How dare you bring that... that..._ filth _into my home" Orochimaru hisses as Ino laughs hysterically and reveals the contents of the poster._

 _"I call upon my sisters of this almighty fandom!" Ino starts as Orochimaru shakes his head "Gate Open; THE WANTED FANDOM!"_

 _"Oh yeah!" Orochimaru says flipping his hair as he feels it, the power of The Wanted "No, No... I can feel the power- NO. #CUTFORZAYN NO JUTSU!"_

""~+~""

Temari peered around the corner as she weilds a t-shirt with 'One Direction Roxs' and 'HarryxLouis!'. So far she had been able to get past the other rabid fan girls as she smiles and cheers on the girls and boys.

"NO! THE POWER OF YOUTH SHALL PREVAIL!" It was that weirdo from earlier as Temari heads towards the noise, a pair ontop of a cafeteria table with pole, jabbing them away.

"Gai, it was nice knowing you" The grey haired one says as he take the eye patch off his left eye.

"Kakashi... No" Gai says as Kakashi pulls a microphone from the crowd and goes to pull down his mask "Do not show your inner beauty-"

"LITTLE MIX ALL THE WAY!" Temari screams as it goes silent through out the hospital as girls slowly turn to the sandy blonde in the crowd.

"What did you say?" The leader asks as Temari rips her shirt off like the hulk to reveal a tattoo of Little Mix.

All of the One direction group start hissing and backing away. Temari growled back as she starts walking to the pair on the table and motions to them follow as the slowly make it out of the hospital.

"GET THE TRAITOR!" a truly blood curdling scream echoes as the thunderous footsteps run to Temari as they get closer to the exit only to find the floor wet.

"We can't cross the wet floor" Temari says "It's illegal!"

"Just this once, as the police we allow this to happen!" Kakashi says as a hand grabs him pulling his mask down.

"KAKASHI!" Gai shouts as the girls go wide eye and swoon.

"Go Gai, save the world" Kakashi says as he's swallowed into the crowd "Before my beauty wears off"

""~+~""

Sakura was firing a Paintball gun as Ino shields herself from the explosion of another grenade. Ino was trying to put gauze on Naruto's knee wound.

"Doctor, how bad is it?" Naruto asks as Ino tells him to stay down "That bad huh?"

"Naruto, be quiet" Ino says as Hinata looks up to the sky.

"GUH!" Sai took a bullet to the arm as he flew back hitting a water tanker as it explodes.

Akatsuki walked over as they knocked everyone out and dragged them inside.

""~+~~""

"Goddamit Hidan!" Pain shouts "I wanted them awake!"

"I'm sorry, next time don't go to the _fucking_ zoo!" Hidan retorts as Pain growls.

"You've under estimated them" Sasuke says as Itachi smirks.

"Everyone else left and we made it so Chipotle would have everything 70% off, your men will be there for hours!" Itachi says smugly.

"HOW DARE YOU!" Sasuke screams spit going everywhere.

"Now that we've got you all here, we can start the ritual" Pain says.

"In resurrecting Madara?" Sasuke asks concerned.

"No, we have to wait on our to bring the Golden Fleece, then we will revive Voldemort!" Pain says as he turns to Konan "Do we have the other Ju-"

"You won't win!" Sasuke shouts "I'm an Avenger!"

"Yes, I know, I killed our whole family" Itachi says looking at his nails.

"No, as in I know Iron Man" Sasuke says with a smirk as an explosion interupts him.

"Yeah right"

The huge empty Warehouse and everyone in it, woke up and looked to the smouldering door. Temari stood holding a shield with a group of others.

"What is this?" Kakuzu asks as Temari has a scared face as she looks behind her and throws a grenade as they could hear screams and moaning.

Everyone climbed up into the second story as Ape's rip the roof off and start smashing the One Direction Zombies. Ten Ten gasps at the Apes as Neji appears and is lowered to Ten Ten.

"Neji" Ten Ten swoons as he hugs her tightly "H-How?"

"I am the Ape King!" Neji says as the apes keep killing the One Directioner's "And the Police are coming to arrest Akatsuki"

"Thank goodness" Sakura says.

A few hours later...

The city was in ruin as night unfolded and stars winked above the restless city. Reporters from all over the world were there, just to see the teens who had started it all. Ambulances were treating a lot of people as the group laugh.

"Wow" Ino says as she smiles "I am so going to prison"

"Speak for yourself, I am going home and ordering some wigs" Sakura says as she touches her hair.

"I guess we'll never know what happened there" Naruto says as he looks at Hinata and Sasuke who were hugging.

"I think, I will make millions" Sai says holding his camera up "I've already sent it to Warner Brothers along with other legal shit"

"Temari what happened at the Hospital?" Ino asks as she sighs.

"I've been sworn to never to tell" She says as they look to Neji.

"Yeah, I've decided to take Ten Ten to the jungle with the Ape's" he says as people clap, not at all weirded out by the choice.

"What about Kiba, what happened to him?" Sakura asks.

"I think he and Akamaru were sent to Hospital already, after he ran over Naruto in a monster truck and then Naruto doing the same, who would be surprised" Sasuke says calmly.

"WHAT?!" Everyone shouts.

"Since we're on the topic, who was it who called the News Station, they were the International News Crew, no one in our area would know to call them?" Sasuke asks moving on completely.

"We weren't" Naruto says as all of their phone's start to buzz.

"What the?" Ino asks looking at everyone with wide eyes.

"Did we all just get sent a text?" Neji asks as they all nod.

"It's not over. I have plently more people, like Orochimaru to use. From -A" Hinata reads out as she looks at the message

"Oh, this is Shino's number"

E-N-D

no it's not.


End file.
